“Sext Me” by Aleya

S: Last night was incredible. I am still tingling all over. If it wasn’t for the damn askaris…

Saved by the askaris. Not a good idea to be caught fucking in the parking lot in Westlands. What kind of a girl does that! What kind of a girl does that the first time she sleeps with a guy… Oh, but this guy…

K: I know. I wanted more. I wanted you so bad. I want you now.

S: Next time we must avoid parking lots. Somebody might see us. Also cops are bastards.

K: Agreed. I got carried away… you have the softest lips. Down there as well

Oh my! I knew I should have waxed. Did he notice?

K: And your labia is so sexy

What the? He moves fast! What on earth even makes a labia sexy? Who even uses that word labia when sexting????

S: What do you mean?

K: Your labia has all these sexy folds

Is that what men find sexy? Folds? Ass, breasts I get…but folds! Heh. Kumbe labias can be sexy.

S: Next time, I don’t know if I will be able to control myself

K: I loved the way you sat on my fingers. You are a baaad girl

Daaaaaaaaaaaamn!  I did? I don’t even remember. What ELSE did I do in the throes of my sluttish abandon? Does he think I am too forward?

Fuck it. Let’s play.

S: You don’t know just how bad…

K: Show me

S: You will have to find out for yourself. Think of it as a treasure hunt. You will have to caress, finger, lick and suck your way to the prize at the end

K: When? Date. Tomorrow?

What? Is that the end of the sexting? I was just getting started. Tomorrow. No! I have to wax and get a pedicure done. Also, am I ready to have sex with him? Propriety dictates we sext for at least 2 more weeks before meeting again! Shit. What do I say? If I say yes, he will know I am gagging for it, and maybe I am too easy. I should make him wait. But I AM gagging. Besides, who are we kidding. I am easy!

S: Next week…

K: Wear a dress. With nothing on underneath

Ati nothing on underneath. What is that? Some line from a 90s Hollywood B movie. Men, they don’t get we have bits that need holding in. THAT is what underwear is for! But whatever…if that floats his boat.

S: Deal! I keep getting flashbacks. You hard against me.

K: I loved the way you were grinding. You are just so damn sexy

He finds me sexy! Damn sexy! Nobody says “damn” unless they really mean it. Come on now. Channel Inner Sex Goddess. Turn him on.

S: I can’t wait for that moment. When you enter me. When I feel you slipping into me.

K: I want to tease you. Rub the head of my cock against your pussy. Slide it back and forth. Until you are gagging and begging for more

Oooooh…I really love when a man does that. Hmmmmmm. This could work. Ok. We are doing this. He said it.The C word and P words. We have officially crossed that line.

S: I reaaaaaaaaally like that! I want to grab your ass as you thrust into me. Nice and slow

K: You like it slow?

S: Sometimes. Sometimes I like it hard and fast. There are times when you just need to be fucked, you know

K: Like yesterday…

S: Yes. When it is sweaty and furious, and your toes curl, and your back arches, and…and…and... What do you like?

Please oh please let it not involve pissing. Of any sort!

K: Tying you up so I can explore every inch of your body with my tongue

Phew!!! That, I can dig. I think. Unless…oh shit, unless he turns out to be some serial killer, and I will be helpless all tied up. Mental note: must make back up plan to tell friend where I will be in case I need rescuing…except by the time she gets there, I will probably be some tiny article in the newspaper…Stupid Gullible Woman Gets Heart Broken (And Limbs Chopped Off) In Lurid Sex Game With Serial Killer.

K: What is your fantasy?

Will he think I am a freak if I tell him the truth? Gulp. Maybe it is too soon.

S: Fucking you somewhere we could get caught…

K: Damn! I wish I was there now. I want you on top, so I can suck on your nipples

Ohhhhhh yes!

S: I want to ride you, feel every ridge of your hard dick. Feel your naked skin against mine

I wonder if this is turning him on. For heaven’s sake shut up! Heaven. Is that blasphemous? Focus!

K: And you feel my balls slapping against your clit

Huh? Is that even anatomically possible in that position? Unless he has balls with supersonic pendulum powers. Or my clit moves up to my ass. Ignore.

S: My wet pussy sucking you in, as you thrust inside me, slow and deep.

K: I want to slip a finger in your ass.

Ok. That’s it. I lost my erection. What the fuck!? Now I can NEVER have sex with him. I don’t want to have to protect my ass the whole time. Why are some men so obsessed with that? Should I tell him? Honey. My holes are one way traffic only! Tell him! Or forever keep clenched.

S: I am not such a fan of that…

Shit. He’s gone all quiet. Quick, text something to make it less awkward. Got it. Blowjob. Men love blowjobs.

S: But I would love to taste you…to swirl my tongue and suck you deep in my mouth

K: Hmmm…. as I fuck you with my fingers, making you wetter

Really, what’s up with this dude? He keeps getting the positions mixed up! I am now sucking you. Focus. Either he has freakishly long arms, doesn’t understand how human anatomy works, or is just not paying attention. Keep up man!

S: You make me so wet. I am touching myself…Rubbing my clit with my fingertip, slowly in circles.

I hope he is taking notes. I hate when men jab, prod and poke like they’re pushing a bloody elevator button.

K: I am so hard

Ok. I am officially turned on. Is that all it takes? Knowing he is hard? Hard for me.

K: I want to lick you. Eat you. I have never tasted a Muhindi before

What the? Is that what this is…? Am I the token eroticised Muhindi chick he wants to try? Does he think brown chicks have vaginas that taste of curry or something? That we fuck different? But then again…who knows…maybe we do. What if I am not as good in bed as black chicks? Mental note: must enquire further.

This is fucking absurd! I can’t believe that even crossed my mind. As if it is a competition! But seriously…maybe culturally there is something they do to please men in a way I have never learned…or been taught. Maybe he expects me to whip out the Kamasutra!  Second mental note: must buy Kamasutra.

Come on! You are being even more ridiculous than he is. Stop focussing on having to perform for him. Make him work for you. Be woman!

S: Hmmm. So I will be popping your brown girl cherry?

K: Be gentle. Initiate me into the pleasures.

S: Oh I will be gentle…at first. Then it may get rough, and hard and fast…

K: Have you ever been with a black man?

Ohhhh…now I get it! What an idiot. He gets off on this, turned on by the taboo of deflowering desi. He probably has visions of dropping his trousers, proudly thrusting like a peacock, and me gasping in shock/desire/lust/fear when I see his big black…Huh! And here YOU thought he actually liked you.

Hmm….maybe I should mess with him a bit.

S: A black man…no. But black women…hmmmmmm

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Aleya is a Kenyan writer and past producer of the Storymoja Hay Festival. She has written for Awaaz, Sahan Journal, and blogs at http://www.chanyado.wordpress.com which is a little haven for her self-indulgent literary musings.

She is also a performer, having moaned her way through the 2013 “Vagina Monologues”, and most recently as part of the cast of Sitawa Namwali’s acclaimed dramatized poetry show “Silence is a Woman.”

She is a voracious reader, with an ongoing love affair with yoga.