“Pronounce it like a Poet’s Woman” by Linda Musita

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Your fit are called.

“What?”

I said your fit are called.

“My feet are cold?”

Yes they are called.

“I keep telling you to work on your pronunciation.”

My pronouncing is fine. Now move your called fit or get out of bed. It is weird how the rest of your body is so worm but your fit are as called as a cops.

“Jesus Fucking Christ what did I ever see in you? You serially kill language with impunity!”

Sea! You too! You pronounced seriously like serrrrially! You kill language too.

“I am a poet. I cannot kill language. See?”

Ha!

“Okay, that is the end of you. Get out of my bed.”

What’s with the tamper?

“It is not the temper this time. Please go away.”

Okay I will be goan as soon as I it something. Do you have tee leaves?

“No! No T-E-A for you! Get the hell out. I will call you later.”

When?

“In the afternoon…maybe.”

Are you going to perform at the gala knight?

“What gala night?”

Never mind.

“I am not performing anything anywhere. I will stay in bed the whole day. I will stay in bed the whole night. I will not move from here until you leave. Okay?”

The hole day slipping?

“Please go away.”

Do you love me? I like being your lava but it seams you do not like being my lava. Gawd knows I have given you my hat and sole. I slip with you every knight and try to keep your fit worm but you treat me saw bard.

“I am a bard.”

Sea! You just called yourself a bird!

“Stop talking and go away. I beseech you. Leave.”

I will not live until I finish my tock with you.

“Well madam, tick-tock on the wall says I have no time for your talk.”

What?

“Okay, I give up. Stay.”

Are you for reel?

“NO I AM NOT! GET LOST!”

Why do you YALE at me all the time?

“Because you are stupid, that’s why!”

Are you calling me a full?

“No I am telling you to vamoose. Run baby run. That is what I am telling you to do.”

Okay. I will get out of your bed and live your house.

“Good. Bye.”

By.

“Hey, before you go can you fix me a cuppa?”

What is a cuppa?

“A cuppa is another way of saying a cup of tea.”

Ha! Sea! Your pronouncing of cap is wrong!

“Dumb and dumber aren’t we?”

Yes you are a dam one. A very dam one!

“Fine. You win. Do not make me a cup of tea. Just go back where you came from and I hope I never see you again.”

I am going bark to where I came from. You will never sea me again if that is what you want. I hope you dye while slipping in your bed. Or choke on your cap of tee! By!

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Linda Musita (@IvoryPunk ) is an Africa 39 author and a member of the Jalada Collective. She is currently working on herself.