“Umduli Ongelalutho” Ilotshwe nguMoses Kilolo

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Ofuna ukukwazi yikuba ngidingani emkhumbulweni wami. Ungiphazamisa ngaso sonke isikhathi, lapho ngizihlalele ephahleni lwendlu ngibuka ubukhulu balelidolobha. Ngibona ukucwayiza kwenkulungwane zezibane zaseNairobi. Ngitsho inani labantu abahlala kulezizindlu eselengezelelwe njengedolobha leli angathi nguncintiswano. Ngizama lokucingisisa ngalezindlela esimanzonzo ezitholakala kulindawo lokubunjwa kweGarden Estate lokuhlangahlangana kwaseGithurai. Zindawo engake ngahamba kizo ngiloTezra.

Sowakwenza inhlalayenza ukutshona ulami. Kwesinye isikhathi uyekela ukuthula kusise endaweni ezahlukeneyo zezikhathi ezinhle ezenzakala empilweni zethu, ungenza ngithathe igwayi, ngilifake emlonyeni ngiligcine lapho ngingahotshi lantuthu. Ngihlezi lapha ngokuthula ngoba ngingaqhubeka ngilalelisisa ukuthula kwalelidolobha sekuganxeme ihola lokuqala ekuseni, yikho lapho engizwa kakhulu ilizwi likaTezra njalo ngenelise ukulwisana lobuhle balo. Uma ukwazi ilizwi lakho alisomphelekezeli owamukelekileyo engqondweni yami njalo akulanto yalolohlobo engithinta kwamancane. Isifiso sami yikuba uhambe kude lami , uhlukane lokuba yimi kwami. Kodwa ngiyabona ukuthi kawuyi ndawo ngoba sobabili siyabuzwa ubuhlungu obangivelela emehlweni ami mzukwana uTezra esima ekhulusini lendlu yami, ekhangela eceleni lapho ngizama ukumqabula.

“Ufuna ngikukhiphe phandle?” Watsho engibuza.

Yiso sodwa isikhathi angikhangela khona sokwedlule amaviki ambalwa engikhangela ngale kwamangilazi engangiwagqokile, emehlweni kanye ayesafiphala kudala ngingakakholisi lobutsha bami. Kwasokudlule inyanga eziyisitshiyagalo mbili lapho esefunde ukukhangela eceleni nje angathi ukukhangela ngakimi kwakungumsebenzi onzima okumangalisayo. Lamuhla usengikhangelela phansi okwenza inhliziyo yami ime lokutshaya. Kuhle kuthi ngisuke ngihambe.

“Angikaze ngizizwe ngcono kanje uma ngisendlini yenkosi engelabantu,” watsho uTezra ngelipholileyo.

Angisasazi lesimo sobuso bami ukuthi sinjani uma ngibobotheka loba abanye bethi buyabe bubukhulu njalo buyindingilizana, bungelazifoto njengokufisa kwami kodwa buphanjaniswa ngamazinyo ami angalinganiyo. Lokhu yikuzikhangelisisa okwenza kubenzima ukuba ngizethembe nxa ngibobotheka. Sengijikele ngasezithombeni ezingcwele zemithetho yeKhatholika ezisendulini oyindingiliza wendlu yokukhonzela engelabantu. Izithombe zabangcwele zingibuka ngothando lethemba njalo ngizizwa sokuphela lokunyukubala okusebusweni bami. Nxa ngibona isandla sami singaphezu kwesakhe yiso isikhathi sokuqala engezwa ukuba butshelezi kwazo njalo ngizizwa ngifikelwa yinjabulo eyedlulisileyo.

Sasihlangane enyangeni eyodwa eyedluleyo nje qha lapho sigade ibhasi labangane kulabanye esasingabazi silubhekise khonale emiqansweni eqandayo yentaba uKenya sisiyavakatsha. Ngemva kwalokho kasizange sikhulume kumbe sibelethuba lokuba sibe sodwa yiloba ukuchitha isikhathi nje. Lamhlanje sizithola sisobabili endlini yenkosi engelabantu. Lenhliziyo yami isiqala ukungitshela amanga ewejwayeleyo. Ithi lo usengowami. Kakaze azizwe engcono njengamanje laye uyazikhulumela. Kodwa ukuthula okulandelayo osokungaphakathi kwami kuphazanyiswa yikuhambahamba komfazi lo ogcina lindawo ihlanzekile. Umsindo owantshintsha waba yingoma lapho etshibilika engitshayela ilihlo njalo engibamba isandla ngamandla.

“Uphonguthula nje!” uyatsho engikhangele.

Kulamakhulu amahlahlanu amamayili asehlukanisayo. Njengawo wonke amaKenya siyasigcina isintu sethu ngokusuka edolobheni siqonde emakhaya ukuyadlalela khona ikhisimusi. Sonke sihamba indlela ezahlukileyo ngalezonsuku lapho imuli kuyiyo eyabe iqakathekile ukwedlula yonke into. UTezra wake wangenza ngacabangisisa ngempilo yabantu abangadli inyama lapho ethi isikhathi sekhisimusi yisikhathi sokusweleka kwemphefumulo yezinto ezinengi, okunye kuvelela imbuzi okunye inkukhu izidalwa zikamlimu esezifela ukuthanda inyama kwabantu. Kasilandaba kangako lokuhlangana kwezimuli. Esikufunayo yikukhuluma senze esasikwenza ngenyanga ezine ezedluleyo okuyisikhathi esilolwazi olunengi ngokwazana kwethu.

Uyayangithumele imilayezo ngemitsho elempawu zokuloba okwaze kwabonwa ngumama wakhe othanda ukunanzelela izinto wamtshela ukuthi kakulungelanga impilo, ukuba elokhu ecofacofa umakhalekhukhwini wakhe ngapha esidla. Lalapho esithele evulandini uyaxoxa lami ocingweni okwamahola ambalwa. Sesingathi yizinja ezincane ezidabuleyo ezivulelwe ukuthi zidumelane ngenxa yempucuko esikhona. I WhatsApp yiyo esiyithanda kakhulu loba yena engasoze abekwazi ukuthi umsindo wayo usuyisikhumbuzo sothando lwethu engqondweni yami. Umsindo ofakwe ngabomo oletha ilizwi lakhe ukuba lixhumane lami langezikhathi lapho engekho.

Kwesinye isikhathi uyayathi umambule uyabe engasebenzi kahle. Lami ngiyama okwemizuzu ngimelele ukukhuluma lesifiso zami zokuxhumana laye ngamazwi amqoka angadingi kuntshintshwa avela ekusithekeni kwenhliziyo yami. Uma ngiwakhangela ngokuya kwesikhathi lawomazwi ngitshayelela ikhanda lami etafuleni, esibeni lokuloba lephepheni lapho engibumbe khona leyomitsho. Kodwa uyangiphendula loba kunjalo angathi kabala ngitsho leyodwa into ebusweni obuncane bukamakhalekhukhwini kodwa ukunyenyeza kothando oluvela enhlizweni yami. Nxa ngimtshela ukuba ngifuna ukuya e Turkana lami, lokuba angingeke ngenelise ukuhlala ngaphandle kwakhe, uyangiduduza engithembise ukuthi sizahamba sonke ngompandula womnyaka olandelayo. Uyangikhumbuza ukuthi sokuzakuba sekuseni ngelanga elilandelwa ngelekhisimusi.

“ISafaricom ngabona isinike I Airtime enengi yamahala,” watsho ngaphaku zwakala lohleko olwalukhanya luvela kweyinye indawo.

Into eyayitshona isehlukanisa, ukugijima kwami ngibitoza imenyu yeMpesa ethi sekumele ngifake eyinye imali, kayizange yenzakale lamuhla. Kangizange ngimtshele ukuthi ngithenge I Airtime engaba zinkulungwane zamasheleni. Lapho etsho amazwi athi ‘uphonguthula nje’ ngelizwi eliphansi kwayikhona inhliziyo yami incibilika.

“Lindawo ilungele…” watsho esola.

Emzuzwini embalwa eyedluleyo bengimangala ukuthi kungani kulesakhiwo somthunzi esiphonguba sodwa emngcweleni wolwandle lwaseIndia. IMombasa yindawo esenelisa ukuzikhipha siye kiyo njalo sasitshona sifisa ukuya khona. Yena wayefisa uhambo lwakhe lokubuyela e Cape of Good Hope kodwa mina ngifisa ukuya ebunandini beTangier le Strait of Gibraltar. Kangisuye muntu othanda izinto laye uyakwazi lokho. IMorocco yilo ibizo lelizwe engilithandayo ongalitsho kimi, angathi yindlela yokuya enjabulweni yami esekusithekeni. Ngitshona ngimtshela ngezifiso ezangena engqondweni yami ngenxa kaPaul Bowles, ukubala kwami ngiphindaphinda ugwalo oluthi ‘The sheltering sky’ engabala ngiphindaphinda okwamagama, amazwi enza inkangala ibe yibuhle obumangalisayo. Nanku lokhe silapha eMama Ngina Beach sibuka I Old Town, njalo ulokhe eqhubeka ekhangele lesisakhiwo somthunzi. Sisendaweni engejwayelekanga egcwele intuthu ephuma iqonga isiyaphezulu ingakhanyi lapho evela khonalezindawwo eziseduze kwayo. Nganxanye isithwe yizihlahla lezi ezisekhunjini lolwandle. Uma sifika lapho sidibana lendoda enqunu eyathi khonapho khonapho wasikhombela esethusela, ehlaba umkhosi wesilogani se Mombasa republican Council.

Kayizange isuke lapho eyayikhona okwenja ekhonkothayo kodwa ingalumi. Izandla zayo eziqhuqhayo zasezingathi yisaha esithweni sayo sangasese esasesiqonde nta sigcwele isepa nganxanye, lokuyangeka ayezama ukukuvala ngengalo yakhe yenxele kodwa uTezra kazange acwayize.

UAnorld umfana esasimthole emgwaqweni eMombasa Ngina onguye owazinika umlandu wokusitshengisa lindawo nguye owakhuluma ngolimi lwakhe olungaqondakaliyo lweKiswahili. Lindoda kwayikhona isehlisa umoya lakho konke okwakukhukhumele kwabohla. Lindoda yaqonda lapho ehlala khona eduze lolwandle waphenduka ngemva kwemizuzwana esefake igwayi emlonyeni lomzimba wakhe owawulokhe uqhuqha wawusugqokiswe ngelembu leKanga eyayithungwe kahle. Mhlawumbe nga ngazinika isikhathi esedlula lezinyanga ezimbili zokumazi phambi kokuba ngize laye lapha. Akukho loba yindoda le lokuzonda lobunqunu bayo kumbe imbanje asiqhubela zona okukhanya kumethusa. Sahlala elitsheni elaliseduze khonapho sobane njalo ngathi ngikhangela ngakuye ngambona ebhema. Amehlo akhe ayengasuki esikepeni esikhulu esasilokhu sincipha sisiyatshona ngale kolwandle sihambisa inotho yeKenya endaweni ezisempumalanga sizabuye siphenduke lezinto ezifayo ezilingeneyo zeChina.

“Ngiyakuthanda,” yikho akutshoyo.

Asizange sibubone ubuhle bokuba sibe sonke. Sasitshona siphazanyiswa yizinto ezincane ezazisengqondweni zethu. Lapho engisiza kunkanuko zami ngomfutho wokugcwalisa ezakhe inkanuko. UBoyhood wayedlala kumabonakude lokukhanya okuvela kumabonakude kwafiphala sokukhanya izithunzi lapho endlini. Wahlala emathangazini ami waqala ukwehla esenyuka ikhanda lakhe elijika ngemuva lapho esephefumula ngamandla. Lokhu ukwenza ngomjaho ukuze kuthi nxa ewela esifubeni sami ame okwesikhatshana. Ukuthula okukhona phakathi kwamabili akwenziwanga ngabomo. Uma ngitshibilika ngimthinta uyakhuluma ngelipholileyo athi, ‘ngiyakuthanda’, amazwi angena kumambule esiya kuzibukeli ezingale kwedolobha.

“Sesilapha khathesi,” watsho uTezra.

Sengigcine umduli ophambi kwetafula yami njengomsebenzi obukekayo othunyelwe emkhumbulweni wenhliziyo yakhe. Ngoba amaviki aseyedlule lapho indawo esemhlabeni wakhe isigcwele umlandu lesikhathi somuntu oyedwa, ngiyangikhangele lumduli ngicabange isithombe okufanele ukuthi ngasikhonapho. Isithembiso sami sokuqala njalo esiyiso sodwa engasigcina enhlizweni yami. Ngicabanga ukuthi kungabe kuyi tiger kumbe umzimba ongelakhanda webutho laseKenya empini lapho belwisana lo Alshabaab, izinto ayengelandaba lazo. Kwezinye insuku ngangicabange ukuthi ngabe yisithombe esidwetshiweyo sesithandwa sakhe ayevele esifuna, indoda elamehlo akhangele mina elokubobotheka okunganeno okutshengisa ukunqoba lapho u Tezra ethi, ‘sesilapha khathesi’. Lemikhumbulo emihle emayelana lobusuku lapho okwacwayiza khona izibane lomzimba wakhe useceleni kwami kuntshintsha kube yikulandiswa kobuhlungu engibuzwayo.

Kanti usulapha futhi, ungiphazamisa ngalowomsangano wokulandiswa kwembali lokuzisola ukuba imicabango yami isifana lemitsho egcwele indawana yonke. Ukuthi uyimi kakubambi ngamandla isikhathi somkhumbulo. Umuntu angakwazi njani ukuthi lokho ababekukhuluma yikho ababekutsho, ngiyabuza. Impendulo yakho yikuthula nje. Ngiyabuya emuva ngicabange ngezinto ezihlangahlangeneyo engazikhuthayo. Ngizafinyelela esambeni sami ngikhiphe igwayi, njalo ngizahlala ngikhangele ukuthi cwaka kwalelidolobha ebusuku ngokuthula lapho intuthu iphuma emlonyeni lemakhaleni ami, ihaba lokududuzwa komoya wami.

Read “An Empty Wall” the original in English by Moses Kilolo


Translator’s Bio:
Junior Moyo was born in Lupane, Zimbabwe. She holds a BA Honours Degree in Language and Communication Studies from Lupane State University. She has worked as a journalist for Southern Eye Newspaper, and was a participant at the Minds Youth Dialogue Conference in Rwanda in 2014.